I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
