I got chris browned last night
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
