do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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