I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
time to smoke my breakfast
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
