well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
