Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
