So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
