You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
