We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
