i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
