I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
