someone get that fucking seahorse.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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