Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
