So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
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He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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