If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
