my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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