After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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