and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
