I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
