I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
