How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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