i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
