if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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