I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
