before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
