is your mom at the bar?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
