Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
