we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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