worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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