my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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