I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
