I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
