Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
