I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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