OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
