Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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