I am spending my child support on dildos
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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