I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
