You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
