Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
