I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and she was petting her beer can
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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