Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Bring me that man meat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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