Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
