Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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