I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
