Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
