All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
