Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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