I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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