he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
