New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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