before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
