Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
