Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
