well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
