Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
