Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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