I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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