In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
