I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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