i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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