i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
