I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
