My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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