Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
