Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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