the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
