Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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