I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
