I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
