This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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