plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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