Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
