I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
