just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
