i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
