have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
