There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
