Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
