Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
