She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
