singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Help. Why am I so naked?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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