Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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