dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
