yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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